Growth and Relationships

Yikes, I hardly have time or things to post about on here anymore. (That said, I have 5 drafts still pending that require more research before posting).

About a year ago, I made a lot of personal decisions about my romantic relationships. No more sharing the personal happy moments on my public blog. Related to that, I also want to remember that my relationships are about me and the other person - the details are on a need-to-know basis, and we can label and specify our relationship as we see it. I wanted to slowly ease into relationships naturally, instead of a stop-and-go "official this and official that" approach, and to build a strong friendship base before seriously dating. Some of these resolutions and ideals have been more effective than others. All of them were well-intentioned, but many of them contributed to a bigger problem that I didn't fully see at first or understand - these became part of a protective wall that I built around myself against forming vulnerable (romantic, in particular) relationships with another person.

I have been very aware of how the relationships I have - romantic or not, official or not - have affected me and influenced my growth as a person. With every acquaintance I become close to, I learn ways to improve myself and see the world through yet another lens. I have been very blessed and lucky to have known, loved, and become intimately acquainted with some fantastic people over the years and in varying circumstances; it's impossible to name or number all the ways I have grown because of them.

I'm just feeling really grateful. I am such a people person, and I love the infinite variation between people's choices, personality, circumstances, and the way that they all interact together. I love coming to know individuals for their unique individuality, and I often come to love each of them in different ways and degrees. I often think about how I couldn't have become the person I am today if I didn't move where I did after high school, but now more importantly, I think that I couldn't have become who I am without the people I met in the time that I met them. Even if I've grown distant from these people with the passage of time, there are still multihued threads of memory and affection that connect them to my heartstrings in some way or another. My hope, prayer and faith is that someday in heaven I'll have the chance to reel all these threads back in, and relive the joy of association with all these wonderful people.

I guess this is all another testament of God's love for me. He knows my heart, my needs, my preferences, and my fears. He is a Grand Architect in coordinating billions of lives together in ways to maximize their growth and opportunities for happiness. I see the ways that I have been blessed through the people in my life, and I thank God for His mercy, benevolence, love and wisdom. I should take time more often for reflection, because looking back leads me to gratitude for all I've been given (and gives me a point to move forward from). Praise the Lord, amen :)